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“The spaces aren’t angry,” Atkinson writes of how this nontoxic masculinity thrived. They saw butch lesbians rocking suits and boots while still passionately proud to be women meanwhile, drag queens guided them into their first gay scene. Atkinson wrote for HuffPost about how they grew to appreciate their masculinity in safe spaces. What I’ve grown to realize is I need to separate my masculinity from the tangible markers of being a man. There’s a Whole New Breed of Bottoming Emojis For proof, look at the recent push to destigmatize bottoming as inherently feminine. It’s why we often hear people ask, “Who’s the woman in the relationship?” There’s an erroneous belief that the one who penetrates is inherently more male and more in control.
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They can be defined as the patterns of practice by which people (both men and women, though predominantly men) engage that position,” Connell writes on her website.įor a long time, gay sexual positions were gendered. She calls it “hegemonic masculinities.” “Masculinities are not equivalent to men they concern the position of men in a gender order.
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“There is a code of ethics that I think is noble and good and doesn’t need to only be practiced by men,” he told GQ.Īustralian socialist Raewyn Connell, a trans woman, argues that some ways of presenting as masculine have nothing to do with being male. Young-White points out that forms of traditional male chivalry - like how the guys at his barbershop treated people with disabilities with respect - have informed his own masculinity. That’s not to say masculinity is monolithic or even inherently toxic.
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It's national coming out day (whatever that is!) and it's been cute to read everyone's stories! here's my truth: more often than not, when a cab driver or whoever assumes i'm straight & talks to me about women i just let him bc i can't be bothered! being gay is exhausting! In the kind, sports-obsessed frat bros I bonded with, I saw my two older brothers. I saw myself embarking on another four years of loneliness, so I flung myself toward Greek life - the home of toxic masculinity on campus. In 2015, I entered college as a newly out 18-year-old on a campus with a single gay bar (which would close down within two years) and a largely unsocial LGBT resource center. It’s only recently that I’ve realized my masculine demeanor was in part the result of my own experience in homophobic spaces. However, there’s a notable difference between masculinity as outward presentation and masc as a sexual preference. Because we know all too well that being “masc 4 masc” - a masculine gay who exclusively dates or fucks fellow masc guys - feeds into white heteronormativity. We ridicule the white muscle gays who post on Instagram with five other identical shirtless men. “The basic idea is that the people you feel most different from in childhood become the target of your later sexual attractions,” sex researcher and psychologist Justin Lehmiller wrote for VICE in February.Īs a result, there’s been a push to course-correct, to decolonize sexual desire that positions white masculinity as the epitome of attractiveness.
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One theory regarding masculinity as a sexual desire is the age-old belief that opposites attract. “They’re battle scars on your personality. “Because for so many people, those are actually scars, you know?” he said. It’s why he doesn’t understand the fetishization of masculinity.
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He intentionally assumed masc tendencies while growing up in a barbershop full of casual homophobia. How is it then that we can both fear and fetishize masculinity?Įarlier this week, comedian Jaboukie Young-White told GQ how outwardly presenting as masculine was a shield he used for survival in heteronormative spaces. One porn company even started marketing straight sex catering to gay men. In 2018, “Straight Guys” was the most-viewed among Pornhub’s gay categories. Frustratingly, many gay men also want to fuck dominant, masculine men. At once, toxic masculinity can keep us closeted, ashamed of being queer and at risk for our lives.
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For much of the queer community, masculinity is a source of profound contradiction.